The Retired Bulimic

Today,

I’d still like to purge but in a different way.

This is a story that I wanted to write for close to 20 years.

Somewhere along the line, I found a way to avoid my true self, my true calling and shut down my own heart...

I want to write about my story of my bulimic life so that many other women, girls, children and in some cases men, have a slim chance or a window one could say, to a little bit of relief in their own struggles where I did not.

A light-hearted loving hand and heart to share with.

I did not see or feel any outlet for many years with this disease of addiction.

I did not feel safe.

This dis ease controlled me for most of my teen and young adult years.

I hid myself for too long. I was in taboo territory.

In my home country, there was not much room for anything unknown -

I was put in the category of anorexics or “I’ve got to pull myself together land.“

I lied to myself and everyone - I became good at THAT dance -

Day time: brave face - hair/ make-up / heels - no one really knew me.

Night time: wine/ supermarket/ late night tears and several bathroom visits -

No one saw me.

My relief came many years later once I removed myself from this environment that I had grown up in - quite extreme, my style.

I was desperate to just have a light chat with someone - anyone

After years with searching for a therapist/ counselor/ hypnotist / juggler/,

I found a friend ...

That’s what started my recovery.

A friend who held no judgment over me.

I was not taboo. I was not deeply darkly insane - merely troubled.

Once I realized I could share slowly and gently without a feeling of being judged or treated like a total freak, did I start to heal. VERY SLOWLY.

With hiccups along the way and threats of hospitalization, palpitations and teeth falling out. The norm!

Several years later, did I get led to the very right therapist - now a dear friend.

So I’d like to, with my sharing, be a possible small relief for others.

I have a fantastic daughter and years before she was born, was fortunate to find solace in nature and with animals. Many people don’t have this luxury.

I am tenfold happier.

Emotionally bound at times, the need to purge is still there, but I don't recognize that person as much anymore.

I am grateful to be where I am now.

I’m more unburdened than ever.

I have more courage than ever to be truly me.

#Healing #Bulimia #SelfAcceptance #Anxiety #Awareness